She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
He did a backflip because drugs
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