Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
A bitchslap is in order.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
