I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize