is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
