Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
