I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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