My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Too much gin, very little bucket
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
