you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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