so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I think I am morally bankrupt
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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