He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
