so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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