even my farts smell like vagina
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
