if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
