Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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