he wants to bone in the snuggie
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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