I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
