Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
