If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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