ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
My legs feel like baby dolphins
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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