we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
