I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
