So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
