but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
then he tried to convert me to islam
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize