I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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