How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
