if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
