And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
