i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
