She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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