you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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