ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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