I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i think my mom watched the whole time
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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