if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
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