My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
