Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
