alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
