I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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