I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
