connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
