My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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