i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
