I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
