i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
