If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
