hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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