The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
