my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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