benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
