last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
