yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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